The Audio Logs of Mike Schmidt
by DangerDash
Summary: Mike Schmidt, the security guard at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, records his encounters in an audio log. (AU)
1. Night 1

12 AM

Alright, first day on the job. Piece of cake, just 12 to 6. Not too much work. Shit! I'm getting a phone call, that scared the hell out of me.

12:15 AM

That was the old security guard. Apparently the animals get "quirky" at night. What a crock of shit, am I right? They're just going to be free-roaming. I'll be fine.

1:00 AM

Okay, they've moved. I'm not taking any chances if they get near, I'd rather not be in Freddy's suit. WHAT IN THE HELL? I keep hearing banging in the kitchen. One of those things is knocking over plates, and I have to pay for it. Fuck.

1:30 AM

Goddamn this. If I didn't have to pay for college, I'd be out of here. Those things are creepy as fuck. They haven't attacked me, just scared me. They'll occasionally look in the door. He forgot to tell me anything about the blind spot between the cameras. I've figured out the door lights myself, though. I think I just heard Freddy laugh. And what is that music? It sounds like a fucking circus. I just hope I'm alive tomorrow to see my wife. Sydney is my everything, I'm really hoping I can see her again.

2:05 AM

OKAY, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BEHIND THE CURTAINS AT PIRATE COVE? Is that Foxy? I used to come here as a kid and I loved Foxy! He was my favorite. "Yarr, me hearties! We be castin' off to sail the seven seas in search of adventure!", ha ha. I can't believe he bit someone's frontal lobe off. Okay, but back to my job. Freddy's still there. Chica is in the bathrooms and Bonnie is... uh... where is Bonnie?! WAIT HE WAS JUST IN THE CLOSET! OH MY FUCKING GOD, HE'S STARING AT THE CAMERA BACKSTAGE! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH HIS EYES?! Oh god, shit shit shit!

3:45 AM

I'm on low power, 40%. Oh god. Chica's outside my right door, so I have to keep it closed. Bonnie has stayed in the backstage area for a while now.

4:00 AM

Goddamn, I'm getting hungry. If it wasn't for these robots, I'd go get myself a slice of pizza. I don't give a good goddamn if their servos lock up, would you rather pay for that occasionally or lose reputation and money for deaths?

4:30 AM

20% power. Not good. They don't pay me enough for this bullshit. I want at least 20 bucks an hour. BONNIE'S THERE! BONNIE'S THERE!

5:45 AM

Chica disabled my door buttons. Not gonna move. Not gonna move. Not gonna move. Oh god... the power. Freddy's outside my door! DON'T PLAY YOUR SONG, YOU OVERGROWN TEDDY BEAR! GET BACK! I'VE GOT A PISTOL! NO! NO!

5:55 AM

BACK OFF! BACK OFF, I SAID! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!

6:00 AM

They're leaving... they're leaving! Ha! Fuck youuuuuu, Freddy Fazbear! I get to live another day and see Sydney another time. We got married a week ago. Hope I survive the week so I can find a different job that won't kill me.


	2. Night 2

12:00 AM

Okay, I came prepared this time. A bottle of Gatorade and a bag of Ruffles potato chips. Cheddar and sour cream flavor, mmm. *crunch* Ain't nothing taking me down. I'm Mike Schmidt, you fucking animals. Nobody takes me down.

12:30 AM

Okay, I take it back! Chica's already gone to the kitchen, I think. I can't find her anywhere else. Oh, shit! Foxy's peeking out of Pirate Cove already... fucker.

12:45 AM

*pant, pant* Okay, Chica was at my door. Almost got me. *crunch* If I didn't have these chips, I'd go insane. And this Gatorade's keeping me hydrated. I'm losing a lot of fluids from sweating. The only thing I've got to keep me company is this weird cupcake plushie with eyes and teeth. If THAT comes to life, I fucking quit. AH! Fuck you Bonnie!

1:00 AM

Okay, Foxy is standing outside Pirate Cove with his head twisted around. I'll have to keep an eye out. Freddy hasn't moved yet. Let me just check the supply closet and then I can- OH HI, BONNIE! STAY IN THAT FUCKING CLOSET! And Chica, you stay in the dining area!

1:30 AM

Go away, Chica! Let's NOT eat! Stupid bitch. I don't want to be stuffed into a suit, I'm not an endoskeleton! Okay, I need to check Pirate Cove. He's gone... he's gone! Oh shit, he's running down the hallway! I gotta close the door! *thumping footsteps* CLOSE, GODDAMN YOU! There we go! *bang, bang, bang* Haha, got you Foxy! *crunch* You want these chips, don't you?

2:15 AM

Bonnie and Chica are gone and I don't know where. I'm constantly checking my lights. Hell no, hell no, hell no! Why did I take this job? GAH, BONNIE! FUCK OFF, I HAVE A WIFE! *cell phone ring* Oh, speaking of which...

-cut out for privacy reasons-

2:30 AM

Sydney... is pregnant. I'm gonna be a dad. Wow, that's awfully surprising news. But I'm really happy about it! I can't believe it, this is great! CHICA, YOU'RE RUINING THE MOMENT! But, I can't dwell on that too long. I can't let my guard down.

3:00 AM

Oh god why. I've run out of Gatorade. At least now I have something to use against them.

3:45 AM

Bonnie, fuck OFF! *bottle bounces off of Bonnie and lands on the floor* HA HA! Okay, enough dicking around. I need to close the door.

4:30 AM

Okay, the buttons on the left side won't work. I'm gonna keep the door on the right closed and not look away from the left side. Please god...

5:15 AM

10% power... no. No. No! PLEASE NO! Please keep going, don't run out of power! Come on, generator!

5:50 AM

I've pretty much made it. Thank you, God! *crunch* Victory chips! Mmm...

6:00 AM

Night 2 is over. Now I can spend 18 hours dreading midnight.


	3. Night 3

12:00 AM

Alright, back to it. Another night, another four dollars an hour. I'm risking my life and all I get is this lousy pay? These guys are so fucking cheap.

12:15 AM

Bonnie's already gone. Fuck. *scrape scrape* Brought a cup of yogurt to eat. Mmm. If I'm gonna run from these overgrown stuffed animals, I'm gonna need to be in shape.

1:00 AM

It's been quiet... too quiet. Nothing at all. This is eerie on a whole new level. I know something's going to happen. It's way too quiet. Oh, goddammit! Freddy's gone! Freddy's fucking gone! No, no, no, no, no! This is bad!

1:30 AM

Chica's been by a few times. Bonnie's nowhere to be found. Foxy's peeking out, too. Freddy's... I thought he was in the dining area. Oh man, he moved to the bathrooms. That could have ended badly.

1:45 AM

There's Bonnie! Oh hi! Hi buddy! You wanna come in? Well too bad, fuck off! I don't want to die! Chica, not you too! Get away!

2:00 AM

*thump thump thump thump* What is that noise? It's getting louder. FUCK, FOXY! CLOSE! CLOSE! GO GO GO GO GO, CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE! *bang, bang, bang* ...phew. I hear you, Foxy! Knocking on my door and shit. Out. Now. Go on. You, pack your bags. Out the door. Five minutes. Go on, your fired.

2:45 AM

FREDDY NO! GET AWAY FROM MY DOOR! FREDDY! FREDDYYYYYYY!

3:00 AM

I *static* not able to *static* longer. *static* killed me about *static*. I'm afraid to *static* the door. God help *static*.

3:15 AM

*silence*

4:00 AM

*buzzing*

-audio corrupted-

4:30 AM

Come on, work! Is it recording now? What did Freddy do to this thing? Christ...

5:00 AM

What? No! I can't be at 5% power! You know what, fuck this! I'm not gonna make it. But I'm gonna fight these thing. I've got a pistol on my belt.

5:45 AM

The power cut. Damn! Freddy... Freddy, we can talk about this. Back. Get back. GET BACK! *click click click* No bullets?! *clank of gun hitting the floor* GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

6:00 AM

He was so close. But he just left. Why? Why did he leave? Oh well, I don't give a fuck. I'm alive.


	4. Night 4

12:00 AM

Goddamn. I studied too much, I'm tired. That's not a good thing when you work here. Making me stay awake for 6 hours defending myself from robots is practically terrorism.

12:30 AM

The old guard sounded scared. There was something banging on his door, too. What the fuck was that? I hope he was alright. Considering he isn't here anymore, I doubt it. Oh shit, Bonnie and Chica are gone. Chica's outside my door already? Fuck off!

1:45 AM

Been pretty quiet. Let me just check the cameras. Freddy's gone! No, not this again! Bonnie, I don't need this right now!

2:15 AM

Oh god, oh fuck, oh fuck! Freddy's outside the bathrooms! He's getting closer!

3:00 AM

FOXY FOXY FOXY FOXY FOXY! CLOSE, YOU FUCKING DOOR! *Foxy banging on the door* Bitch, I don't need this!

3:30 AM

Chica and Bonnie are both outside my doors. I'm low on power, only 60%. That's bad. Really bad.

4:00 AM

Tonight's kind of going by quick. I'm glad, I don't want any shit from this place. I'm getting... really... tired though... *snoring*

5:15 AM

What, who? Fuck! Did I fall asleep with the doors closed?! DAMMIT! I'm on 5% power. No door closing. Just don't move and pray Foxy doesn't move.

5:50 AM

Foxy's outside Pirate Cove! Stay there, don't move. Get back in there!

6:00 AM

Made it with 2% power. That was close. I'm almost done with my week here. I'll spend the weekend looking for a new job. If I get some OTHER kind of pseudo-Chuck E Cheese's then I will flip my shit and immigrate to Australia.


	5. Night 5

12:00 AM

Alright, last night. Here we go.

12:15 AM

They're all gone? Already? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I HATE MY LIFE!

12:20 AM

Chica please! I'm already on 80% power don't do this! *door slam* Oh god, oh god, oh god, go away!

12:30 AM

Foxy no! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING! *door slam*

2:00 AM

*static and animatronic screams*

2:30 AM

Freddy took my recorder. I had to run outside to get it.

3:00 AM

Bonnie and Chica are out there. I can't take this. Fuck it.

4:00 AM

Freddy hasn't left the door. He won't.

5:30 AM

GET AWAY YOU FUCKING CREATURE! *gunshots* No, NO! NOOOOOO! GAAAAAAH, IT'S TEARING MY ORGANS OUT! IT RIPPED OUT MY STOMACH! IT'S TAKING ME TO THE SUIT! *screaming trails off*

10:30 AM

(Manager): Holy shit... Mike? Mike you here? Michael? Are you okay? *screaming* OH SHIT! MICHAEL! I have to call 911!

1:30 PM

(Manager): ...I'm filing for bankruptcy.

11:59 PM

*Mike laughing*

-the tapes end there, nights 6 and 7 aren't happening-


End file.
